Where do I start. How much should I reveal. Who am I. Where am I going.
So many questions. So many thoughts. This is me honestly.
I´v realised that the more publicity the blog and I get, the more I want to hide.
Maybe note hide is the right word, but more protect my self. It´s not a consciously decision, it´s more a insidious result. From just being me, Jeanette, with my own thoughts and ideas. Thoughts that is important for my way of living and what I believe in. To be a person who speaks, share my views, my beliefs and design. It sounds all so good, and in a way it is. My only problem is that I do not believe in right or wrong, I believe in the everlasting circle.
While writing this I see how hard it is to describe, but I hope you follow me.
I often find myself playing roles to fit in. Doing what I think others expect me to do. I think most of us do, now and then. Sometimes it is even necessary. But lately I´ve had the feeling of getting lost. That I let myself down, together with my inner belief. Like a rug being pulled under my feet. Not a good state of mind to be in. I´m used to show my strong side and have control, so telling you about my struggle is actually a bit hard. Even though I know it makes me more human.
The feeling; “I´m selling my soul” has come to my mind. Having sponsors on board together with the studio and advertisers on the blog. Why should that make it so different. Why should I not make money. Why do I feel guilty.
So I´m telling my self, I´m worth it
It´s work that I´m doing, hard work
My voice is powerful and I can do what I want!
It takes time to believe it
For a while I´ve been loosing my magic
But I´m on my way back
Giving myself the same advice as I gave my BYW students;
It´s the only way to be happy
to stand out
So, back to where I started
Where my heart is placed
Where I met my first readers
Where the joy and energy is put
Full of flaws and deficiencies
Du er verdt det, helt unike du!
Aldri gi slipp på det du har.Det kommer innenfra, og det merker vi. Det er så befriende!
Ønsker deg de fineste dager i starten av ett nytt år.
Thank you, Jeanette, for sharing this. I can imagine how hard it could be to put your most inner thoughts out here publicly. I’m also this kind of person who is used to show only the stronger and confident side of myself and not very eager to share my deepest thoughts, so I really admire your post :) When I started my blog last year, I intended to share more of my thoughts, beliefs and photos, but looking back to the last year I can see how far I am from my initial plans … and it makes me little bit sad. But I hope that the new year will bring some change and I’ll find the courage and inspiration to be more ME. To be honest, for me you have always seemed very confident and true to yourself, so I had no idea that even you have such struggles in your head… Wishing you all the best for 2013 and thank you again for this post!
This is what I love about you and look up to you for, Jeanette. You have a strong inner compass and know when you need to adjust your sails. Yes, you are worth it! And so is what is in your heart. Follow that.
As I begin my own journey online, I too have concerns about staying true to me. I am not outgoing by nature, but more inward and quietly observing. But I long for the connection with others and the creative work… and not at the loss of myself. It is a balance, but with a good inner strength and direction I believe it can be done.
You are always an inspiration… especially in your honesty.
I think the feelings you have are a result of being an intelligent independent and powerful woman. What you do has an impact and that’s why it’s probably normal – and good! – to feel insecure about it from time to time. I guess it’s this time of the year – one year endling, the next one starting, when we can feel really down. I had a little breakdown on the last day of the year for no specific reason, just because it was a hard year for me personally and I think I was just afraid that the next year would be the same or worse. But in the end it’s the “downs” that let us fell the “ups”, too, right?
Wishing you all the best for 2013! I’m looking forward to everything that will happen here on your wonderful magic place!
Dear Jeanette, I truly believe that blogging is changing. It is becoming a way of expressing ones creativity, if you want to, feelings and as well skills and expertise. That means you are sharing your work and every single creative on this planet who wants to work as such, can decide on how to do that. If you collaborate with sponsors, why not? You still will decide how many, when, who. It is a new process but still in your hands and yes, blogging is work for many of us. You are a curator and deserve to earn money for that. And a damn good one!
you should never feel guilty!
I love your bravery in sharing this. I am totally with you on what you share & understand.
I hope in sharing it helps you find your way. We are all travelling such a similar road it is very strengthening to hear from others how they feel.
I have a place in my heart for flower essences and crystal essences. They help ground and stabilise me they help enlighten me to things that I can move through they are a support to feel safer in being my Self and hearing what my heart wants to tell me. So helpful when confused or unsure,
I have just bought an Indigo essence called Shine. If you like to see them they are here
with love & light Kathryn x
Hi Jeanette, I love today’s post. You say you often find yourself playing roles to fit in… well, don’t we all do it?
I mean, of course we play different roles, as women, as friends, as workers, as moms, as daughters, as wifes, as sisters… That doesn’t make us fake, we’re the sum of all those different roles, and we usually just show a part of ourselves at a time. It’s a personal (and respectable) choice how much of ourselves we want to show/expose to the world, or if we want to gather different roles at a time.
Plus, we all know nobody is perfect, therefore I don’t trust people who feels always happy and secure, it can’t be real…
The way you feel, that’s real, and we all feel like that now and then. It’s not a weakness, at the contrary, I admire you more for that…
I wish you the best for 2013!
Fine, gode du… For et vakkert, nært, ærlig og sårt innlegg! Så sårt, men samtidig så utfattelig sterkt! Jeg tror vi alle har vært der du er nå, i hvert fall alle vi som begynte å blogge for lenge siden og som brått har merket at 1) ja, det tar tid og 2) oj, vi kan bli betalt for noen av timene våre. Jeg er ikke det minste redd for at du skal selge sjelen din. Jeg tror den er så trygg og sterk og god, og at du har så god etikk og moral i bunn, at produktet uansett vil bli bra til slutt. Og om du gjør noe endringer den ene eller andre veien etterhvert og underveis, so what? Det er din læring, dine valg – og jeg tror du bare bygger din egen erfaring og magefølelse på denne måten. dU blir enda sterkere og enda tryggere. Fin er du, og du er en stor inspirasjon!
Ønsker deg og dine en fantastisk helg, Jeanette!
Jeannette, I understand where you’re coming from. I have enjoyed seeing your work. I always feel inspired. Where to draw the line between sharing and staying private im this day and age. I look forward to seeing more of your inspiring images but hope you can find that comfortable balance.
First I of all I think you are very lucky making money with something you love. Most of us don’t or can’t (me included). If you are able to do what you like despite the fact that you are sponsored, don’t think about it twice.
If your sponsors restrict you, that is something you should think about. Creativity and restriction don’t go wel together.
Second if I look at the film you recorded for BYW Bootcamp I think I see a lovely but shy person. I think that is why you feel so exposed. I could be wrong of cause.
Well, that was what came to mind when I read your post. Just don’t be too hard on yourself. As Holly says don’t over-think!
Have a nice weekend!
THANK YOU for opening up and being so honest.I trully appreciate this.
It makes you feel closer and more human.
I too have been feeling a bit the same. A bit like this internet world demands too much of me and I dont know where or who to be. My self, the answer is simple, but its not always easy.
Thank you for having courage to express yourself!
Wow, something brought me to your site today and I think it must be reading your revealing post. It is truly what I think the opposite of someone so accomplished. Afraid of being someone like you has kept me wondering why I am doing this whole online/crafting/etsy/business facebook/ thing. I don’t want to be “out there” like you. I am not striving for that. I am frightened to become so raw and open and I am just in the beginning steps. I can see where there are parts that must remain personal and I really feel for you. BYW student here admiring the admired. I am guilty of being one of those who always want to know more. I am thankful you have made us aware it is not easy and I hope you find strength to keep the balance.
A well written post that I really can connect with. I think, like you say, we fit into roles……and whilst necessary for some things, we have a tendency to do it for all things. I started a blog three years ago. I’m an intensely private person, but it came at a time when I needed to try something new and grow as my own person. It’s lovely being yourself, sharing your thoughts and dreams, but as your blog grows, there become pressures, expectations and demands. It’s very hard if you are such a private person to let people in, total strangers into your little world. I can only imagine how it must be, to become so popular in so many areas, that demand for your time and head space is a constant thing. I have felt lost this year, like my magic has gone. I have gone back to basics and reminded myself what makes me ‘me’. It’s been nice reconnecting with myself. I’m sure that we all must have moments like this in our lives. You are an inspiration to so many. Always be you, it’s beautiful………Vanessa
be YOU…..it’s sometimes really hard, but that’s the only way to be happy with yourself!!!
I feel like this too!
I really love the things you do.
It’s a double-edged sword when you want to inspire and teach people… but you don’t want to become a commodity or be driven to produce content/things/work meaninglessly, because it is expected. I think it’s important to focus in for a while when you feel like this. You might just need some time with your very favourite people, doing the things you most want to do.
Thanks for talking about this stuff. It’s really important. x
I think we all often feel like this, Jeanette, but few have the courage to speak of their fears, flaws, insecurities and self-doubts. One can get lost in the beauty of blogs especially – everything is so exquisite and perfect, but at what cost? What is all that beauty masking? It’s refreshing to read such honesty; it keeps it real for someone like me who struggles to believe in themselves on a daily basis. I guess that’s the real magic of By Fryd – by being true to yourself, you have created something unique and lovely and deserving of success. Something that puts little shots of magic into people’s days the world over. Never stop believing in yourself – we all do xox
Jeanette, I have so much respect for you and what you do. I have never seen the magic die, even with the small changes you’ve made it’s still there. You totally deserve to earn money from this and I know that you would only work with people and product that you believe in – so what’s the difference other than you being able to earn a living? I’m also so interested in your sponsors because I love your taste so by showing who you take on board gives me the opportunity to explore new product. When you introduced Objektum I spent a long time (a number of times) going through their site, I even pinned their chairs). So it’s a good thing Jeanette, you gave me something by introducing them. Mel x
What really appealed to me when we first met at the HIVE was your gentle but strong presence! Never forceful, but gentle and thoughtful, I think we all experience all sort of emotions behind the scene, and I would expect even the most well adjusted and confident person to feel overwhelmed by all the publicity you have been given. My advise would be to go with your success! As long as you are true to yourself and acknowledge why you are doing what you do – then your soul will remain yours.
Happy New Year Jeanette I’m sure it’s going to be a good one xx
dear Jeanette; HAPPY NEW YEAR!
being honest to yourself is one of the hardest thing to do, to stay true to yourself, to what you believe, think and finally do, it’s not an easy job…some times it easier to just go with the flow…and just pretend.
but at the same time it’s tiring to play pretend all the time…to play the roles that were casted to us by others and sometimes by us- what we like to be but we are not- for me the best thing is always going back to your roots, to the beginnings, when things were simpler i guess, going back to family and friends , people who truly loves you no matter what, and at the end as you said we are all humans!
Så fint skrevet ♡
Det er godt å lese, jeg beundrer deg og mange andre bloggere som deler og gir til oss som ikke tør.
Dere skal vite hvor mye dere har betydd for meg under mange perioder med tøff sykdom.
Sjelden eller aldri har jeg lagt igjen en kommentar, jeg har bare tatt i mot.
Det er godt for meg å vite at noen av dere flotte blogg damer kan få litt igjen for all tiden dere gir.
Varm klem fra meg Linda Bjugn
Du er kanskje en av de bloggerne som virkelig klarer å formidle sin ektefølelse ovenfor design. Din forelskelse for det. Det er en utrolig kreativ og visuell egenskap du har og den formidles med sterkhet og troverdighet. Du må aldri glemme at du er til enorm inspirasjon til mange. Og nettopp denne inspirasjonen du gir til andre gjør at du fortjener hver eneste sponsor, hver eneste krone, og hver eneste fordel. Lykke til og vær tro mot deg selv.
You will find the right path for you, with your blog and otherwise, I have no doubt about that. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself here with us. And I wish you the best 2013 possible, filled with love and joy. xx
I remember a very similar post at the Yvestown Blog just before Christmas. Here it is
Takk for din ærlighet, åpenhet og dit mot!
Både vanskelig og utfordrende å finne tilbake til seg selv.
For er man seg selv lenger…Man har jo fått flere erfaringer,
møtt mange folk, hørt mange meninger. Det å skulle filtrere bort
grums og ubevisstheter som man ikke anerkjenner, men ikke
helt vet hvordan man blir kvitt…er krevende. Hehe…nå snakker
jeg vell like mye til meg selv som deg her…
Stå på Jeanette!
For det du tror på, for den du er!
For akkurat DU er god nok som du er!
Du gir så mye glede og varme med de gode ordene dine,
oppbyggingen av tekstene dine, formen, estetikken og de
vakre vakre bildene dine. Takk for at jeg får ta del av det på
dine premisser og den flotte verdenen du skaper her inne.
Håper du har en fantastisk helg sammen med de du er glad i <3
Be blessed your heart that leads you so unmistakably . It’s so beautiful to be oneself again. To your happy and peaceful 2013!
Jeg skjønner godt hva du mener, Jeanette, men du har ingenting å bekymre deg for. Du er deg med dine kreative og vakre ideer uansett om du blir sponset eller ikke. Noe må jo dra lasset for at du skal ha muligheten til å holde på med det du elsker å gjøre også.
Gå med hodet hevet – det har du all grunn til!
Go´klem fra meg som er STOR fan <3
Dear Jeannette, first of all thank you sooo much for letting us know about the way you are feeling. I completely agree with you and as i was reading your text I kind of needed to cry! This internet blog is like that! With so many good things but so demading. Not sure how I got to this, but I am in the same point. Where do this should stop? How can i stop the wheel?. But in the end I try to stick to the nice things about blogging every day. Your thoughts have been of so much help and again, I do very much appreciate you have told us. All my love.
Yes. Yes. YES! Although I could never understand all that you’ve gone through Jeanette (I’m sure it’s been one thrilling and sometimes even scary roller coaster ride) I applaud you for coming to grips and terms with the struggle. This simply says to me that you really ARE truly in there… deep down… and nothing can change that. Enjoy your time clearing out all that clutters your way to finding home base again. I for one, am so happy to have read your post! It’s been my secret New Year’s Resolution to be true to myself, and not back down from my inner beliefs…but also to deliver them respectfully. Thank-you for your inspiration to continue on. I can’t wait to see where you go from here!
You are absolutely worth it, YES!
I totally understand how you feel. I think “protect” is the perfect word. I too have struggled with how much of myself to share. Some days I am fine to share myself and then the next day I will feel vulnerable and scared and want to hide.
I am sure finding that balance is a continual work in progress.
Big love to you :)
You are the best Jeanette!!!!!
As one of your BYW students last year, I was fortunate enough to get a sense of the woman behind the blog…your comments to the class were always so kind and thoughtful, and you really portrayed a genuine love for what you do. I hope that you feel proud of yourself to be able to earn as a result of your talent! ;)
I understand that feeling of always showing a brave, polished & professional personality online…that feeling of having an emotional safety net, I guess.
I think your honesty & personal vision will always shine through, regardless of external influences. Keep shining!
I completely understand where you’re coming from. As long as you are doing what you love and also earn some money with that, you should be proud, because there are many people who cannot live like that. :D
your blog is one of the very few ones where advertisement or sponsors never made me feel like you’d sell yourself. I always felt you’re honest about it. And I was happy to see you become more and more successful. You simply deserve it, and you were and are an inspiration. So, please go on with what you do and take care.
no doubt the very fact that you’ve written this means the process to finding your voice again has already started!
What a beautiful post for the New Year. I can relate to many of your thoughts. Thank you for sharing and being here! xo Karen
Dear Jeanette; thank you for the courage and vulnerability you are showing in this blog post. I have been following your blog for a while, and you have always come across as an authentic person with so much love and integrity. It shows in everything you do; you have this unique way of drawing us in to your universe of beauty and wisdom. Stay true to who you are and believe that you deserve the commercial success that you are exepriencing – it is happening because you are a truly wonderful and generous person. Love and hugs from me.
Forstår deg bare så alt for godt, selv om følesene kommer fra forskjellige steder.
Å tro på seg selv er ikke noen selvfølge, det vises ikke på utsiden om en gjør det eller ikke. Enkelt er det ikke, men veien dit er vel vært å gå. Lykke til på din vei <3
Your blog is unique and wonderful. Thank you so much for all thew inspiration you have given me. A very happy new year to you which I hope will be full of courage, creativity, laughs and happiness./ Niki
Du er så fin vennen, på innsiden og på utsiden! <3
Hello Jeanette, this is my first comment on your wonderful blog! Your sincerity and sensitivity touched me, what you wrote is so true, so yours and I admire your ability to communicate and to be yourself! I’m glad you’ve taken your way!
such a lovely blog post – so honest and yes yes you are worth it….keep doing what you are doing!! Be you …be true! (i like that!)
Synes du deler dine tanker raust og hudløst. Det speiler mange av mine samme tanker.
Fortsett og lytt til din indre, vare stemme. Den har hittil ført deg dit du er i dag, og med det viser
du at å reflektere over hvor man står og er på vei, er summen av de valgene du har tatt. De lette
er like viktige som de vanskelige.
Etter å ha møtt deg og sett ditt talent, er det nettopp din varhet, estetiske blikk og dine betraktende,
følsomme ord fra levd liv som er din største styrke.
Ta i mot det gode som kommer din vei, tro på ditt talent og din styrke, Jeanette. Du er flott!
.you deserve every penny you earn as what you put out there is so inspiring and very enjoyable to read.i live in ireland and am the mother of two little girls too and my day wouldnt be complete without reading your blog,i love reading about your lovely lifestyle your a great woman never give up..xx
AND BUY SOME NEW EXPENSIVE SHOES….; )
earn it, own it & most of all “and-joy” it…!
hej…to read these lines today is very touching and a perfect timing…because at the moment i feel a little bit the same…its not so easy to find the right balance between the blog business part and your private person as the same time…how could you be private without being private to much? i think you are right you must to be you and give what your heart is ready to give your readers…you must to feel good in what you writing…this is important…thanks for being so honest and fine to have you here…with this authentic voice and this big heart…wow…i think this is my first comment on your site…;)…but it is the best day for it…a big hug and thanks a lot…cheers from Germany…i…
Hello Jeanette, Can’t help thinking what a great shame it would be if the only people who blogged were those who didn’t need to earn a living. There is no shame in earning money through blogging as long as you don’t endorse things you hate or disagree with. Your readers trust your judgement and I’m sure you won’t let them down. I follow a blog called Miss Mustard Seed which you would do well to check out. She grapples with similar ethical and personal issues to you and , like you, her honesty and openness make it a non-issue for her readers.